The other day I figured out how to spell boobies on my calculator to the utter amazement and wonder of the guy sitting next to me (and if you’ve read some of my other posts you’ll know that I’m not one to exaggerate). I’m not sure if it was the word itself or the fact that I typed it on a calculator that shocked him. I’m going to go with the former since we are talking about someone who managed to program Nintendo Games onto their calculator here. It was then that I came to understand the tremendous power of boobs over us all.
Back in December, I was hunting for last minute birthday gifts and I happened across Breasts. How could I resist? In the end though I choose a book about science instead since you never know what horrors may ensue when you give a 16 year old boy Breasts.
But I took a look through the book anyways and that’s when the real horrors began. The thing was, this book actually talked about boobs! It wasn’t just funny, sexy stuff, there was real content. Real content about boobs!! It was freaky, like those high school health classes where they make you watch those birthing videos. You know in theory what that’s there for but you never want to see it happen and hardly ever even want to think about it. We don’t need to hear about the nitty gritty, just the nice stuff. Next thing you’ll know they’ll have a book called Nipple about vestigial traits. in humans
Be honest, when’s the last time you’ve watched one of those culture documentaries about modern hunter gatherer societies and didn’t giggle at the sight of them badonkadonks just hanging about. And I still haven’t gotten over the fact that the breaststroke has nothing to do with using boobs as a means to float in the water. Who cares if society has so far sexualized a part of a human body that disassociating it with sex is the weird thing. After all, what important function could they serve other than pleasure? Oh right. Babies. But that trend was so 2008.
I think the lesson learned here is that you really can’t top breasts.